The Unfriendly Website: How to Drive Customers Away in a Hurry

unfriendly website
Courtesy: Lynn Friedman, Flickr

Let’s be honest. There are times when you really wish your customers would go away and stop bothering you. No need to feel bad, it’s completely normal – we all have days like that.

But for those times when you’re serious about getting rid of anyone who has the audacity to land on your website, you don’t really want to tell them outright to get lost. That would be rude. You need to be more subtle.

Here are a few simple tips and tricks that work every time:

Install a Pop-Up

The bigger, the better! Make it appear within the first 3 seconds of your visitors landing on your site, so they don’t have a chance to read anything. Make it almost impossible to get rid of,  too, so they have to hunt for a way to make it go away.

Another nice touch is to add a bit of a guilt trip. Something along the lines of a button that reads: “No thanks, I don’t want my business to succeed.”

Autoplay Videos

Practically guaranteed to send your visitors packing!  Imagine your innocent victim silently browsing the internet late at night after the kids have gone to bed. Then – boom! – out of nowhere, they get blasted with sound loud enough to wake the dead. And the great thing is, they didn’t even press ‘play’, and even better, they can’t find a ‘stop’ button.

Moving Images

Disorient and distract your visitors with constantly moving images. They won’t be able to read properly, so they’ll have to click away. Always a great trick for an unfriendly website.

Stock Photos

This is a fun trick. Find the most overused, boring photos you possibly can, and sprinkle them liberally throughout your website. The best ones are those of fake-looking business people in fake-looking buildings.

Don’t Update Your Content

Your last post should be dated 2013, or even earlier if possible. This will give your site an overall feeling of neglect, which is perfect for the sense of an unfriendly website.

(If you’d like a good laugh, check out this page of cringe-worthy websites.)

Stay tuned for my next post: The Friendly Website: How to Attract & Engage New Customers.

Give your website a makeover with our friendly copywriting services. And in the meantime, if you have any further suggestions on how to effectively drive customers away, I’d love to hear them!

 

 

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